


we share our life, not my love for christmas sweaters

by serenityandtea



Series: Various Marvel One-Shots [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas Party, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Ugly Holiday Sweaters, the other avengers are there, they just don't talk sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:26:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27961496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenityandtea/pseuds/serenityandtea
Summary: Rhodey sighs, crossing his arms and leaning against the door. “Did you know?”“That everyone would be wearing black tie? No, that was quite the surprise when I walked in wearing this monstrosity.”Or; it's Steve's fault Rhodey showed up in a Christmas sweater at a black-tie event, but Tony will fix it anyway.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark
Series: Various Marvel One-Shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2047823
Kudos: 17





	we share our life, not my love for christmas sweaters

**Author's Note:**

> For NaNoWriMo 2020 I decided to write a bunch of one-shots with various pairings and prompts within the Marvel universe. You're looking at the first one here, but there will be twenty-seven (eight?) others to follow in the coming months! This takes place in a universe in which everyone is still friends and Endgame never happened but Tony and Rhodey somehow got married and Bucky is also there. *shrugs*
> 
> (Also, not beta'd and I'm very much not an American, so apologies for any glaring errors. If you feel up to the task, please let me know if you're up to proofread the rest of the lot!)
> 
> Enjoy! :)

The third time 'Baby It’s Cold Outside' comes on over the speakers, Tony is ready to drown himself in the mouthful of whiskey that he’s been swirling around in his tumbler for the past twenty minutes. It’s some fancy non-alcoholic substitute that is supposed to taste just like the real deal but most definitely doesn’t, and has the worst aftertaste he’s ever tasted. And he’s had that whole weekend where he’d drank nothing but Campari, so he’s really the expert at ‘things that you’ll regret drinking immediately’. There’s always the possibility of bribing the bartender or swapping his tumbler for Steve’s when the other man isn’t looking—it’s not like he can get drunk on whatever concoction Natasha keeps supplying him with—but somehow Pepper’s eyes keep meeting his whenever he so much as even entertains the thought, so he stays put and takes another sip of his drink without wincing.

He wastes a good seven minutes watching Clint flirt with a senator’s wife across the room and he raises an eyebrow when he drags her onto the dancefloor. But then Tony blinks and he’s suddenly surrounded by black suits and even blacker ties and his shoulders slump a little. He inwardly sighs before he plasters on his signature public smile and gets ready to make these old white men sign some cheques. He’d stopped doing these kinds of public events the minute he’d made Pepper CEO—he’s got better things to do, and besides, Pepper is much better at making men sign their life savings over to the newest thing to roll out of the R&D department—but apparently being an Avenger comes with its own set of public events that you can’t really decline an invitation to. Unfortunately.

It’s especially impossible when Steve Rogers invites you to a Christmas party that he himself organized to raise funds for homeless children this Christmas. Tony might be an asshole, but he’s not that big of one. It would have helped if he’d read the invitation a bit closer—or at all, really, but it came on actual paper and who even still uses printed invitations?—but he’s here. Even though Scott can’t stop laughing at him.

Asshole.

“Excuse me, gentlemen, but I need to borrow Mr. Stark for a minute.”

Rhodey’s hand is tight around his bicep and Tony charmingly makes his excuses before he follows Rhodey quietly. He can read Rhodey’s moods like they’re his own and there are about four apologies on the tip of his tongue already, but every single one of Rhodey’s signals is telling him that this is not the moment.

The groveling will have to come later, then.

Rhodey leads them into the first empty room they come across—a room Tony is pretty sure is the security room judging by the number of screens in there, and this room decidedly should not be empty at all with the amount of high-profile people in the room next door—and his glare could probably freeze fire.

“What the fuck, Tones.”

Tony shrugs, moving an empty mug so he can sit down on the desk and create some space between the two of them. Just because he can read Rhodey’s moods like no one else, it does not mean he has to particularly enjoy it when the other man is mad at him.

Rhodey sighs, crossing his arms and leaning against the door. “Did you know?”

“That everyone would be wearing black tie? No, that was quite the surprise when I walked in wearing this monstrosity.”

He doesn’t think he actually needs to gesture at the sweater he’s wearing, but he still does it, just for the full effect. He’s nothing but thorough. Even if the fact that the bottom parts of the sleeves have a different color keeps distracting him whenever he waves his hands around too much.

“Where did you even find that?” Rhodey mutters, but he’s slowly moving in closer to Tony, so he can’t be too mad anymore.

Tony beams. Excellent question.

Whatever poor art student decided this was going to be this year’s side hustle made the sweater the exact right shades of yellow and red. While the arc reactor might be too low to match the exact placement, the Stark Industries logo on the sleeves does add a nice touch. There’s even snowflakes and Christmas trees, so it’s completely on brand for the party if, you know, it hadn’t been a black-tie event. Which, in his defense, is just weird for _a Christmas event for children_. If there’s one event that practically screams ‘wear your ugliest sweater’, it’s the one for children around Christmas time. Black tie is just boring.

“Etsy,” he says in reply to Rhodey, making grabby hands when his partner gets close enough. “It was either this one, or one with my actual face, and JARVIS thought that might have been a bit too much.”

“Thank you, JARVIS,” Rhodey sighs, stepping in between Tony’s legs and wrapping his arms around Tony’s back. It means Tony’s face is now squished against some sequins, but he’ll suffer through it.

Anything for his Platypus.

“You could have texted me, you know?” Rhodey says after a couple of minutes, his chin resting on Tony’s head. “Just as a heads up. A simple ‘wear a suit’ would have been enough, Tones.”

“And deny the people the actual beauty that you’re wearing? I don’t think so.”

Tony pulls back, his fingers immediately coming up to trace the letters on Rhodey’s sweater. The bee smack in the middle wearing a Christmas hat is staring right at him, and Tony grins as he traces the ‘Bee Merry’ again. Say what you want about the sweater, it spans perfectly across Rhodey’s chest and shoulders. It might not be a suit, but that doesn’t mean Rhodey doesn’t wear it well.

“And Steve didn’t tell you it was black tie?”

Truth be told, he might have, but people really should know better to tell him important things when he’s on a thirty-six-hour bender in his workshop. There might have been some ‘I would really like if it you came’ and ‘it’s for kids’ and ‘you can bring a plus one, so please bring James’, and there’s a vague recollection of an envelope on his workbench, but that’s about it. He must have mumbled some sort of agreement and had JARVIS put it in his calendar, since you know, he’s here, but still. It honestly would be better for all parties involved if people just asked Rhodey and invited him instead with a plus one if the two of them were expected to show up anyway.

“I don’t know,” Tony sighs, running his hands up Rhodey’s back. “Maybe? It’s all a bit of a blur. Also, he sent me a paper invitation. Who even still does that? I know that man knows how to send an e-mail, since I get daily ones. And it’s a charity event for kids, honey bear. Excuse me for thinking a Christmas sweater would be appropriate. Steve really missed an opportunity here, I’m just saying.”

Rhodey sighs for what feels the hundredth time in this conversation. “What did we say about assuming things?”

“Not to do it anymore,” Tony mumbles in reply, resting his forehead against Rhodey’s chest. His hands immediately come up to squeeze the back of Tony’s neck, so that’s nice, he guesses.

“Alright, so what’s the plan? We’re both wearing godawful sweaters—”

“—excuse you—”

“—and I’m guessing you don’t want to get changed—”

“—we can’t let them know they’ve won, boo bear—”

“—but there’s also a hall full of people who sign my paycheck and with all these photographers around there’s no doubt that we’ll end up in the papers—”

_“—quelle surprise—”_

“—and I need Monday’s new recruits to take me seriously, which won’t happen if they’ve seen me with a goddamn Bee Merry sweater in gossip pages. So, what’s next?”

There’s an idea forming in the back of his head, one that won’t mean that Rhodey won’t end up in the papers, but maybe put him in a better light, make him stand out less. Tony doesn’t really care that he’s the one standing out and ends up making the headlines for worst fashion faux-pas of the evening—been there, done that, got the framed tabloid cover to prove it—but Rhodey still likes to pretend his life is semi-normal and Tony is nothing but an enabler.

He’s got multiple tabloid covers to proof that, too.

“Stay here,” he says as he presses a quick kiss to Rhodey’s cheek and heaves himself off the desk, phone already in hand as he makes his way out the door. He faintly hears Rhodey’s protest behind him, his hissed _what are you doing_ getting lost in the Christmas music the minute Tony walks into the hallway, and Tony would apologize, but honestly, his mission is time sensitive.

Tony is glad that Pepper’s got control over Extremist now and doesn’t have any other dormant superpowers—apart from being a badass CEO and having the ability to make grown men cry—because he’s pretty sure he’d be on fire right about now otherwise.

Sure, maybe it’s a bit much to ask her to organize a last-minute auction, but he has a plan, okay?

“Any other time but now would have been a good time to tell me,” Pepper hisses as she looks over the group of collected superheroes, all wearing their—ugly, Tony notes gleefully—Christmas jumpers with assorted looks on their faces. Barnes is glaring daggers at him, his sweater the perfect replica of his tac gear, only the left sleeve is covered in sequins and there’s snowflakes randomly scattered around on his front. Tony doesn’t think it looks that bad, not compared to the purple eyesore that Barton is wearing, but at least Barton doesn’t seem to mind. Peter seems a bit bummed that he isn’t wearing a Spider-Man themed sweater—Tony does have one stashed away for him in his bedroom closet, but secret identities and all that—but he keeps complimenting Steve on his sweater, the one that Tony ordered two sizes too small and that Steve still manages to make look good, even though Tony has his doubts on whether or not the man could potentially lift his arms high enough to change a light bulb if they needed him too.

“There wasn’t really any other time,” Tony whispers back at Pepper, but he doesn’t elaborate. Mostly because he really does not want to deal with a Disappointed Look™ tonight. He knows he needs to read over contracts and invitations, alright? But honestly; evites. They’re a thing for a reason.

Tony’s got all the Avengers lined up in a neat little row and they’re loud, yes, but at least the curtain is still closed so no one can actually _see_ Thor throwing a temper tantrum over the fact that the dimensions of his hammer aren’t portrayed correctly on his sweater. Natasha is watching from the sidelines—contrary to popular believe, Tony isn’t stupid, and he’s not going to make the Black Widow wear a ridiculous jumper in front of a crowd, he’ll give hers on Christmas, just like Peter’s—and Bruce is frowning at his sweater like he’s not quite sure what to make of it. At least Tony didn’t get him a Hulk green one.

Besides, it’s obvious that Bruce needed an 'Oh Chemistree' sweater in his life.

“Alright, everybody!” He claps his hands because he might as well be talking to a group of toddlers. When he finally has everybody’s attention, he continues. “Now, we need some money for these kids. So we’re all just going to stand here, smile, look like we want to be here, and let a bunch of rich bastards buy the clothes off our back, literally. And no, Barton, you cannot bid yourself. I’ll make sure you’ll all get the same one again for Christmas; you’re welcome in advance.”

He gets glared at a little, but Tony won’t let some negativity change his mind. He’s spent hours looking for these sweaters—or rather, JARVIS did—and he’s not going to let a specific grumpy ninety-year-old ex-assassin ruin his Christmas presents.

Rhodey looks wary, but does roll his eyes at Tony before he takes his place next to Bruce. Okay, so, sure, his husband has figured him out, but it’s not like Tony was going to let him walk around embarrassed, alright? At least this way the baby-soldiers will see him with a ridiculous sweater in the paper _for charity_.

His own brilliance does amaze him sometimes.

Tony nods at Pepper, who visibly rolls her eyes but does start pulling the curtain open and Tony gestures at the group to smile their prettiest smile. He gets another glare from Barnes, but he does uncross his arms, which makes him look at least forty percent less hostile. It’s probably the best they’re gonna get. By the end of the night they’ve raised over fifty thousand dollars by auctioning off a couple of sweaters that were definitely made for less and Steve’s got a permanent grin stuck on his face as he makes the rounds across the room.

All in all it’s not the worst event he’s ever been to, Tony thinks three hours later as he’s panting into his pillow, Rhodey’s hand firm between his shoulder blades and holding him down.

Not at all.

**Author's Note:**

> In case anyone's wondering, [this](http://www.numskull.com/products/iron-man-christmas-jumper-sweater/) is Tony's sweater, [this](https://www.amazon.com/Bee-Merry-Funny-Christmas-Sweatshirt/dp/B07ZZCM9WZ) is Rhodey's, but add some sequins, and [this](https://teespring.com/shop/chemistree-sweatshirt?pid=378&cid=100087) is Bruce's :)


End file.
